I went to bed at 11 yesterday night, read books first then thought about trivialities, such as my letters & cards to my teachers Mr. He & Mr. Wu who were teachers in my middle school one was for CHINESE and another was for MATH before chinese new year, " Don't know if they received them..?" i murmured then turned off the light falt asleep.

 

Sometimes later, i felt that i was in Nanchang suddently, joined in sb.'s wedding banquet, sb.'s who? i couldn't remeber, only felt noisy everywhere. More than 10 tables full of food and drink in a hall, people went here and there, laughting and chating ... I became dizzy & uncomfortable, losted in the chaos. "Mom, i'd like to go for a walk somewhere else, leave here earlier, ok?" i asked my mom beside me, "Ok, you go first." mom noded.

 

I didn't know why, i drove the car, went back to Yingtan directly. It took me some time on my way to that city, whereas time flied in my dream. I arrived in the 1st middle school of Yingtan after a short time. To my surprise, lots of my classmates were there too, in a vacant room, talked about our interesting young. I joined in there talking for a while, and then asked :"If Mr. He still here?" "Yeah, he is keeping teach Chinese here, for two classes maybe grade one." one answered. I left that room as my friends chated cheerfully, and went to classrooms for grade one students, looked for silhouette of Mr. He room by room.

 

Suddenly, i saw a familiar figure, bended over, spoke something with a little girl sat there. I kept looking him with emotion for a period of time, i didn't know how long that time... He was the same as always, not so tall, bright eyes always shined the light of wisdom, only more wrinkles on his face. Finally, that girl saw me, she whispered to my teacher (of course he was her teacher now) maybe about a stranger stood beside the door staring at them in a unusual way. Mr. He turned his back and saw me, after few seconds, there was a big smile on his face and on my face too. He went out of that room, went to me, said :"Haven't seen you for 8 years, my little girl." I got no word instantly, tears welled up in my eyes. He put his arms on my shoulder:" Very very nice to see you, really." I looked at him, sobbed:" I'm just lost for words... i asked them if you're still working here, and found you in this room."  He pat my back, "i was always thinking about you and your classmates, many of them here? Can i see them?" "Of course, i'll take you there." We walked toward where i just from, "Did you receive my card?" i asked "This year? Nope. I received one card the year before last year." "Well, i know, i got your reply card that year, i also sent you a letter last month." I said little sorrow, "i'll have a check, might, despach room missed it. But, i'll be so happy if you want to tell me what you've written in that card." he asked softly....

 

While we arrived at the room my friends still there and even more people, i sat in a corner, my teacher sat beside me. I found their topic changed to nowadays compared with childhood when i left. "lots of people got marry this year and last year." said one of them, all of others echoed to that, and gave some examples, everyone looked excited. Once a person saw me, cried :"She, she, she looks still in single status!" Everyone turned to me, and cheered. I opened my mouth, but lost words. What could i say? Stories behind me? Silly. I smelled, little shy and embarrassed, such as an abandoned woman. At that moment, my hand was taken by HE, "Let's leave and have a walk outside." He whispered me, and pointed to the boys smiled their naughty. We went out of the room, he put one of his arms around my shoulder, touched off a uproar in the room ...

 

I woke up at 9 O'clock,recalled all scenes sleepily and sentimentally, don't know the borderline between dream and reality. That was so close to me. I am not in the age of dreaming a short-term relationship, all my emotion was accumulated by yearn for a teacher who i respected and loved in my student's days, now it turned to be a deeply missing in my heart.

 

 

I've been losing sleep all these 4 days, don't know why. I got to bed at about more than 11:00, read books on bed till about 12:00, and then i fell asleep well. But i woke up at 2 AM on time felt my heart a little unconfortable, and couldn't back to sleep untill almost 4 AM. I sensed that the reason for the situation maybe was i lack of exercise for long time which led to me getting down and ill.

 

Thinking about this sericiously, i decided that i must do some physical exercise everday. So i chose to go for little jog everyday, coz the item doesn't need a special field and doesn't have environment requirement. The bad side is jogging really doesn't interest me. Whatever, considered my poor physical condition and bad sleeping situation i tried to keep up, and have done it for 4 days. I was so tired and out of breath every afternoon after jogging, flushed and refreshed.

 

"Don't indulge your inertia, keep your routine." my dad said.

 

Is insomnia a part of routine?

 

 

Just watched the film < THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION>. Very good and famous film made in 1995. I heard about it in 2003 when i was studing TOEFL in New Oriental School. One of my teachers there introduced 10 films for men & 10 films for women, <THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION> was one in those 10 for men. I bought this DVD in a tiny little chandlery maybe in 2004 with Howard, the guy who is in the USA now, studying MBA in University of Southern California. Since i am studying my MBA in Peking University, i got little curious sometimes about his life on the other side of this earth where my dear aunt living in also.

 

Back to the film. It impressed me with some words, two sentences did most. Those are:

" Hope is a good thing, maybe the best thing."

" Keep busy living or keep busy dying."

 

Keep busy living or dying? That's real a question, just like to be or not to be. Later one sounds little abstract, living or dying presents easier, and hope shoud be the key point. Living in this word is not a fairy tale such as a soap teleplay named <dream links> or opras like that. But why we still being afraid of death and hope living longer? Coz we have HOPE, hope for what maybe we do not see now, at least i don't see clearly now. But it worth waiting for it with patience or pry up to see.

 

At last, happy valentine's day for everyone, have a sweet day couples, lovers or single.

 

是这样的，好电影引人思考。不是告诉你什么，而是让你想到了什么。这是《肖恩克的救赎》给我的启示。这一部当年与奥斯卡擦肩而过的电影，十年之后将我触动，幸好是这样，如果是在十年之前，十岁的自己能看懂这样的电影吗？没有壮观的场面，没有精彩的武打，没有美丽的风景，甚至没有女主角，甚至女配角。我会认为这是一部最单调、最乏味的电影。因为整场电影从头到尾基本上都只是在一个监狱，也就是题目里的“肖恩克”，电影里所说的“沙堡”监狱。而现在，却正是因为这些，成为我心目中最棒的电影。在刻画人性的深度方面，《肖恩克的救赎》绝对是一个顶峰。同年的《阿甘正传》则成为了描写社会问题的经典。据说，当年的评委们在结果出来之前均言：这两部电影不论是哪一部获奖，对另一部都是不公平的。最后的结果：《肖》在所有七项提名中一无所获，而《阿》却成为了最佳影片。

我一直在想，电影里的监狱是否就是我们生活的社会。那是一座人间炼狱，不仅有残暴的狱吏，犯人之间的欺压凌辱，更坏的是精神上的煎熬，让人不知不觉之中丧失希望，变成只会条件反射的行尸走肉。你可以在我们的身边发现大批这样的人，或许并不是因为自由的丧失，但是希望的丧失是普遍的。可能正是因为这样，这个发生在监狱里的故事才会引起正常人的共鸣。形式不同，实质全无差别。自由和希望，我们可能正拥有，却根本不知道它们的意义，不知道如何体现他们在我们人生中的价值，我们也许会对它们的离去无动于衷。

电影没开场，听到的是一支歌曲，歌者的声音很低，低到不仔细听就会忽略掉，带着不浓不淡的忧伤，仿佛是在回忆一件让自己后悔的事情。略带灰色的基调，听着就是生活的滋味。
…………
主人公安迪由于被律师指证谋杀妻子及其情人，被法官判两个无期徒刑。而之前他是一个大银行的副经理，前途一片大好。那个时候他三十岁。然后接下来，是一大堆的人被押进了沙堡监狱，那里有更多的人在欢呼他们的到来。瑞德和布鲁克斯也在那些人中间。汤米还没有来，他比安迪晚了十几年。瑞德是因为谋杀而入狱的。他在汽车刹车上做了手脚。不仅谋杀了自己的妻子，而且无意害死了搭车的邻居和小孩，他被判三次无期徒刑。安迪来的时候，瑞德已经在沙堡呆了二十年。而布鲁克斯的时间更长，他都已经七八十岁了。除了他们，还有老奸巨猾、自私腐败的监狱长、凶残暴戾的卫队长。安迪的生活从此在自由和希望之间徘徊，自由越少的时候，心里的希望越强烈。这是安迪不同于其他人的地方，按照瑞德的话讲，不论安迪穿什么衣服，都给人一个感觉：他的脖子上有个领带。可能因为从一开始，他被判刑就是错误的。安迪根本就没有把自己当成过犯人，他的世界里萌发的是强烈的希望，不是消沉。安迪明白自己错不至此，他来沙堡只是赎错，他有自己的标准。后来，安迪告诉汤米在沙堡监狱没有人是有罪的，大家都笑了，安迪的心里是什么滋味呢?

可是监狱怎么能是个按自己标准行事的地方？“监狱里面没有童话故事”，安迪一来就遭到同性恋者的骚扰，并在其后的几年里在与他们的抗争中受尽侮辱，瑞德的画外音说到这是安迪最艰苦的几年。我们无法揣测安迪的内心世界，他要瑞德帮他弄到一把鹤嘴锄，沉浸在自己爱好中，雕刻石头，这真是一项最能消耗时间的爱好。这里有一个很巧妙的伏笔，谁都会怀疑到安迪要鹤嘴锄是为了逃狱，但当我们看到这把鹤嘴锄的时候，瑞德替我们说，要用这样的锄子挖一条地道出来，要六百年！然而，安迪正是用这把小锄子，凭着自己在地质方面的知识，用了二十年的晚上，为自己打通了一条通往自由的地道！直到电影末尾，我们还不知道入睡前还在的安迪怎么会在清晨消失，与他最好的瑞德也不知道。瑞德只是说“有些鸟是关不住的，他们的羽翼太光辉了。”这是后话。

比起好莱坞传统英雄影片的男主角，安迪实在是弱不禁风。瑞德甚至在安迪入狱的第一个晚上与人打赌，安迪会第一个哭出来。当然书生气十足的安迪令瑞德输掉了好几包香烟，从此更是令瑞德对其另眼相看。毫无疑问，安迪是一个英雄，一个精神上的拯救者。他有自己的原则和计划，不能从表面看出丝毫端倪。

安迪开始凭借自己丰富的税务知识帮卫队长逃避重税，为狱友赢得免费享用的啤酒和一段自由的时光（虽然是短暂的一个早晨）：看着狱友在阳光下喝着自己为他们赢得的啤酒，安迪独自坐在角落里脸上浮现出一种奇异的微笑：那是一种胜利的、赢得尊严的、自豪和骄傲的神情。这是安迪与监狱控制者之间的第一次较量。
此后，安迪逐渐成为监狱里的理财专家，引起监狱长的注意。从容应对监狱长的试探后，安迪开始帮他洗黑钱，并掌握了监狱长所有的犯罪证据。接近监狱长，还使得安迪可以了解监狱的许多高层的事情，比如说，监狱将要更新的废水管道计划，监狱的结构图纸，在与监狱长相互利用的较量中安迪为自己的逃狱准备了充分的条件。
此外，安迪还坚持每周给州政府写信，要求州政府拨钱修缮监狱里的图书馆，六年后，政府拨了200美金敷衍了事，安迪笑着决定，以后每周写两封信。有人说安迪这么坚持修缮图书馆是因为通过图书馆他可以查看到有关逃狱的书籍，我觉得更重要的是，安迪期望通过这件事引开监狱长们的注意力，他们无论如何都不会想到安迪会逃狱。否则，以监狱长与安迪之间的这种相互利用的关系，尤其是安迪经手监狱长所有的黑钱，他必定会遭到特别严格的审查。另外，从安迪坚持每周写信，我们也能看出安迪的为人：不达目的誓不罢休，是他逃狱成功的合理注释。